How I Gained 40 Pounds in One Year
Between the summer of 2020 and now, a full year later, I gained 40 pounds. No, dear reader, that’s not a typo. I actually accumulated additional bodily poundage equal to one whole quarter of my prior weight in the span of just 365 days. (Follow me for quirky, work- and life-related musings. Follow someone else for health tips! I beg you!)
I likely don’t need to tell you my weight gain tips and tricks because, if you’re reading this, you probably already know how to grow love handles. However, I have your attention, and I like attention, so here we go.
For starters, eat whatever you want, because calorie counting is for the birds. Get whipped cream on that latte. Order the dish with lots of butter and cream. Accept your mom’s forced offerings of seconds or thirds when you’ve already told her twice you weren’t hungry. Eat the toddler’s crusts, crumbs, and remnants, then lick the plate. Every calorie counts!
Next, welcome all of the stressors into your life that are humanly possible, because inclusion is trendy — and we don’t discriminate — all stress is greeted with open arms! Job demands? Yes, please! Financial troubles? Bring it on! Marriage falling apart? We’ll take it! Kids driving you crazy? All aboard! Cortisol (a powerful stress hormone) will bloat out that belly in no time. Stress literally kills, but before it does, it can…
